Nana & Papa's Care Package

At 35, I still get care packages from my parents... how amazing is that?! Every couple of months we'll get a call from Mum to expect a package in a couple days. They mail them Express post because they send yummy, homemade, baked goods... and sometimes even baked beans & dill carrots (my absolute favourite "pickle").

These are pictures from the package we received this week... Nana's homemade molasses cookies... she even made some in the shape of the trefoil (the Girl Guides symbol) for Abby because she's now in Sparks. Mum's had the cookie cutter since I was in Brownies (nearly 30 years ago!). Apparently it broke in one of her recent batches so she now holds the pieces together to cut the cookie shape!

Cinnamon biscuits are one of Jon's favourite baked goods. She sent two bags that didn't last 24 hours in our house!

There was also fudge, homemade rolls, marinaded tofu, Easter cards and kaleidoscopes, cotton candy & some small toys for the kids. We LOVE care packages from home!

Mashed potatoes or cake?

Tonight at suppertime, Jordan decided to build a "birfday cake" for Auntie Win out of his mashed potatoes. Then he declared that he was going to give his "beggies to Papa" (beggies = veggies) on Mummy's "puter" (puter = computer). We used Skype before Christmas to talk to my parents when they were at my sister's house. Maybe that's what he was thinking? Regardless, it's amusing to see what my children will say/do to not eat their veggies. Abby actually cried when she saw carrots and potatoes on her plate with the chicken then tried to convince me that she was allergic to vegetables. I'm pretty sure her whole world would have collapsed if I also served her the broccoli! It may be time for some more loving deception via spinach brownies and chick pea cookies :)

Wondering & remembering...

Jon has been teaching Jude how to play catch and throw the ball by stepping as he throws. It warmed my heart to see Jude learning from his dad something that his dad loved to do as he was growing up. It also made me feel a little sad as I remembered yet another thing that we would not be able to do with Josh & Jonah on this side of Heaven...

We had a little birthday party for the boys this weekend. The kids helped make the cupcakes and blow out the candles after we sang. My emotions were a little raw last week...I really missed the boys and truly felt the impact of their birthdays and the anniversary of Josh's death.

I ordered this beautiful necklace a few weeks ago. We picked it up over the weekend. I'd been searching for something I could wear to honour all our children. I have a locket that Jon gave me on my very first Mother's Day (2003), but it holds only pictures of Josh & Jonah.

This is perfect. I love it. The design is called "Family Tree Necklace" and was made by

Lisa Leonard.

I hate St. Patrick's Day...

I have nothing against the Irish or St. Patrick...it's just the date.

It was 7 am on St. Patrick's Day 2003 that my water broke with Josh & Jonah.

It was on St. Patrick's Day 2003 that I was flown to Ottawa from Thunder Bay because if our little boys were born at 23 1/2 weeks, the Thunder Bay could not adequately care for them.

It was on St. Patrick's Day that we were given the odds of our sons surviving if born at the cusp of viability. It was less than 1%.

It was on St. Patrick's Day that we had to decide if our sons would receive medical intervention or "normal newborn" care (swaddled and handed to us to peacefully pass away in our arms).

We had certainly made some parenting decisions to that point with respect to the pregnancy, but on St. Patrick's Day 2003 we were being asked to check a box when we didn't have peace about any of the options.

We didn't sleep the night of St. Patrick's Day 2003...we prayed... we cried...

It was St. Patrick's Day 2003 when our lives changed forever.

The next few weeks are always challenging... there are so many days associated with significant times in the lives of our sweet Josh & Jonah.

March 18... we meet Josh for the very first time. With a little wave and squeak he was whisked away to the NICU to fight for his life... without his brother. Jon went back and forth from the NICU to my side. I fought to keep Jonah inside just a little bit longer.

March 19... because of an infection, my labour with Jonah had to be induced. He was breech and so the OBs deemed that the best scenario was for him to be delivered in his amniotic sac. With a push and a wave, little Jonah landed on the bed before anyone really noticed he had been born! Jon and my sister Joan were there to witness the miracle of his birth.

March 19... while in labour with Jonah, Josh's neonatologist delivered the news that there was nothing more they could do.

March 20... we held our precious Josh for the very first time as one of our favourite neonatolgists delivered oxygen. His tubes were removed and we held him as he went to be with Jesus.

Good Friday & April 18... as Jon and I were taking a short break from Jonah's side to eat (after spending the night at the hospital), one of his nurses came to find us. When we entered the room, one of our favourite nurses, Al, was solemnly unhooking Jonah's leads and handing him to me. He died shortly after, in our arms. He went to join his "big" brother Josh in their Heavenly home.

It was supposed to be July 2003 when we met our beautiful baby boys. But it was March. It all started on St. Patrick's Day.

I know that God is Sovereign. I know that God has a perfect plan for my life. I will forever be thankful for the precious time we had with Josh & Jonah. I long to glorify God through sharing our story of their lives.

Yet, it doesn't make St. Patrick's Day any easier. It doesn't make the next few weeks any easier. I really don't like St. Patrick's Day.

And I miss them... a lot.

"Mummy, I don't like throw-up-ing"

On Wednesday evening, Jude took a trip to the bathroom before supper. Throughout the meal we called up to him, but he insisted that he needed to poop. When he started crying I went up to sit with him. He told me that he also needed to throw up. Shortly after, he did. Jude really hates throwing up. No one really enjoys it, but he just gets so sad.

As I comforted him we had a conversation that went like this:

Jude: "I don't like throw-up-ing".
Me: "I know, Bud. I don't like it either"
Jude: "Mummy, you're the best, forever"
Me: "Aww, thanks Bud. I think you're the best, too!"
Jude: "I'm the best runner"
Me: "Yes, you're a super fast runner"
Jude: "Mummy?"
Me: "Yes, Jude?"
Jude: "I think I'm going to cry now..."

After he threw up, he informed me that he still had to poop. Even when it looked like he had to throw up again, I was assured that it was "only a cough" and that pooping was "the most important thing" at that time. He put his head in his hands. I continued to sit by his side for a few minutes. When he didn't answer when I asked him how he was feeling, I realized he'd fallen asleep! So, we took a picture :) before Jon and I tried to move him from the toilet to bed. He woke enough to inform us that he "wasn't done!" Shortly after, he threw up again. After we were fairly confident that he was okay for awhile, we put him to bed on the couch... we've done stomach flu from the top bunk. It's not cool... He was fine for the rest of the night. Here's hoping we're done with the stomach flu for a while. This is the 3rd bout we've had with it over the past couple months.

Abby's First Sparks "Campout"

Abby's Sparks group had a Princess Sleepover on Friday night. Abby loves Sparks. I truly hope she loves Brownies and Guides as much as I did when I went through Guiding. I remember my camping trips to the regional Girl Guide camp (Etalacimuk) and to the international Girl Guide camp in Echo Valley, Saskatchewan. I loved building lean-to's in the winter and sleeping under the stars in the summer... all those memories began to flood back as I watched my little girl get ready for her first Girl Guide sleepover.

Abby was more than a little excited!

Apparently they were awake until 11 pm, played lots of games and read lots of stories. She had FUN!

La Poule Maboule

Abby's class performed the French version of Chicken Little a few weeks ago. They sang and danced to catchy songs that stayed in my head for days (actually, even as I'm writing this, I'm singing... "La Poule Maboule, pourquoi est-que ca ne va pas? La Poule Maboule, le ciel ne tombe pas!" in my head...) Sometimes Abby gave us "the look" when she saw us looking at her or taking her picture. Other times, she just smiled proudly.

Their teacher told them to sing as loudly as they could...you can see from Abby's neck how hard she was trying to sing loudly!

I love this picture of Abby with one of the boys in her class, trying to tell her something. She looks mildly amused at his attempts...

It was a sweet play...Abby's first real play with lines to memorize. I'm so proud of my Abbs.

Jordy Update

Jordan has taken to not wearing clothing when he can get by without. So far he's been leaving his diaper put, but who knows for how long! He does however, love wearing his blue felt slippers (with just his diaper)... so much that he'll often sleep in them :)

This is from one of Jordan's recent head injuries... the first involved a collision with a corner at his sitter's home.

This is the second one (2 days later) which involved a collision with a concrete floor at playschool when he tripped over the parachute we were playing with.

A few days later he got another bump (other side of his forehead)... is it bad that I can't remember the circumstances of that one?!

On Thursday afternoon during their rest/nap time he fell off the window seat and got a bloody/scraped nose. I heard him calling for Jude (who had fallen asleep on his top bunk). Because Jude wasn't answering, I guess Jord decided that he should climb up to investigate. He used a lego lap tray as a stepstool on top of the window seat. Lego lap trays are not meant to be stepstools (as we have told our boys...). Now he knows why.

Today, I heard Jude go to the bathroom followed by Jordan (who didn't go to use the potty, just to hang with Jude instead of resting in his bunk). The next thing I heard and saw was Jordan sliding/falling down the stairs head first with his wooden potty frame close behind... I couldn't get there fast enough. You know the feeling... you see something happening and it's like you're in slow motion... anyway, he was upset & frightened but other wise fine. I'm still not quite sure what he was doing with the potty...

Before supper tonight, he tripped on the wooden threshold between the kitchen and dining room floors and slid head first into the corner of the dining room table leg.

I'm afraid his fearlessness combined with his mother's coordination may prove to be a nasty combination... poor little guy!

Jordy also enjoys writing on walls :)

Jordan's language is exploding. I love listening to him speak to get his thoughts across. We recently attended a birthday party at a large indoor play structure with tunnels. He ventured into the tunnels with Jude, but then got frightened and Jon went in for the rescue. He talked for days about how it was "scary up 'dere... Daddy get Dorden". Jude wants to have his 4th birthday party at "Wiggles & Giggles". Despite his experience with the tunnels, he's excited at the prospect of going back to "Biggles & Biggles".

He's such a sweet, affectionate little guy who loves his Mummy and Daddy cuddles. When all three kids would come in for morning cuddles this winter after Jon had already left for work, Jude and Abby would each claim one of my sides and Jordan would climb on top of me and lay his head on my chest. It's still his favourite way to cuddle, even if Abby and Jude aren't there. It's my favourite too :)