Nala

I got a better picture of Nala this afternoon while she was having a snuggle with Abby. Jude's wearing Daddy's safety glasses and Abby's Dora "backpack" full of cars, giving Nala some gentle pats.

New family member

We decided that it was time to get a kitten... our babysitter had a kitten for awhile and the kids were soooooo excited! Bij, our 7 year old cat, is not a children's cat. She makes only rare appearances while the kids are awake.

So, this is Nala (after Simba's friend in The Lion King). We've set her up in our bedroom for the time-being so that she and Bij have separate food & litter boxes. The kids (especially Abby!) are very happy to have a furry little friend.

Praying for Stellan... I still believe

There is this sweet little 5-month old boy whose heart is failing. He's been on my heart and in my prayers whenever I think of him and his family. His name is Stellan.

You may have noticed the button on the left hand side of our blog, "Praying for Stellan". I started reading McMama's (aka Jennifer's) blog when little Stellan was born at the end of October. He was diagnosed with fatal heart problems while in utero. Friends and strangers from across the globe joined her in praying for him. He was born healthy. He is a miracle.

Last Sunday they took him to the hospital. He had been sick over the weekend and was getting sicker (wheezing, difficulty breathing). After one course of treatment he was doing well and they were planning to send him home. After he had another choking spell, they decided to give him another course of treatment. It sent his heart into SVT (see Jennifer's post here where she explains Supraventricular Tachycardia), one of the issues he struggled with in utero.

Jennifer is a Christian. She`s trusting God, leaning on God. She`s real about how she`s feeling, but unwavering in her faith. She knows that whether or not God chooses to heal Stellan once again, he is a miracle and God is still good.

Her struggles remind me of my own with the boys. We sat, exhausted, by their beds, learning about different treatment options, listening to medical professionals weigh different options, waiting for x-rays and blood gases, watching helplessly as new tubes & lines were inserted, always praying for our sweet sons.

One of my struggles after the boys passed away was why we should pray if God is only going to do what He wants to do anyway. Over time, I realized that God is sovereign. My mind is unable to even begin to understand His ways. I find peace knowing that God is in control and doesn`t always give us what we think we need or want. I so very much appreciated Jennifer`s post about prayer and why we should pray even though, yes, God will inevitably do what He sees as best. .

Josh and Jonah died, but God is still God. His ways are higher than our ways. I still believe.

Stellan is very sick. Please join me in praying for him.

Happy Birthday Josh & Jonah!

The cost of a shower with a 16-month old...

'til we meet again

It was 6 years ago today that we held our sweet Joshua Michael in our arms until God took him home.

Joshie was born at 10:15 am on March 18, 2003 at Ottawa General Hospital weighing 1 lb, 6 oz. Despite his optimistic beginning, his extreme prematurity led to his rapid deterioration. We had the honour of parenting Josh for two days until he died in our arms on March 20, 2003. We will forever cherish the hours we spent holding him and talking to him before he passed away. We will always be thankful for this little while.

This is what we wrote for Josh for the memorial services:

To Josh

It's supposed to be July,
But it's March

You were too young to be born today
Any yet your little fingers already have fingernails,
Your tiny head already has dark hair.

Your skin, thin and fragile, bruises so easily
And yet you are beautiful,
Fearfully and wonderfully made.

How we longed to comfort you
Feeling so helpless as we sat at your bedside
Watching you through glass...
Praying for you...
Hoping you felt our love.

We may never understand why it's March
But we're blessed to have this precious time with you.
We love you Josh,
You'll always be in our hearts.


To read Josh's story...

Water break and Josh is born
Jonah's born (while I was in labour with Jonah, Josh's condition quickly deteriorated)
Saying good-bye to Josh

As always, please feel free to comment... it helps knowing that others have taken the time to get to know our little boys, even if only through their Mummy & Daddy.

Today, Josh would have turned 6 years old. The past couple of days have been difficult. I truly don't have words to describe what I've been feeling. At times I struggle to get out a single thought (I felt really bad for my clinical supervisor today during supervision as I tried to maintain a coherent train of thought). Other times my eyes just fill with tears as I think of my sweet Josh and Jonah.

Each day, we get to know Abby, Jude and Jordan even better. God has given them such unique and precious personalities. Josh and Jonah too had unique and precious personalities. We just didn't have as much time to get to know them this side of Heaven. I think that's part of what I'm feeling...

I wonder if Jonah would have shunned vegetables like Abby and Jude... I wonder if Josh would have been fearless like Jordan. Would they have preferred trains or cars and trucks? Kitties or dogs?

As I get to know Abby, Jude and Jordan, my heart aches that I didn't get to know Josh and Jonah ...

What I do know is that they were both fighters. I know that they were brave. I know that they were each carried lovingly to Heaven and I know that one day I'll be able to hold them again.

Jon had to take a day trip yesterday for work and didn't get back until 11 pm. As I was doing the bedtime routine on my own, I allowed Abby and Jude to play while I put Jordan to bed. As I came out of his room, they met me dressed like this...



The picture is so Abby and Jude and captures their personalities... God knew that I needed to smile and cherish my little people yesterday. This, made my day.

My new favourite picture of Abby Grace

Many faces of Jude...

As I sat downstairs with some girlfriends the other night, we heard a large crash. When I went to investigate, Jude (who I had thought was asleep) made his way to the bathroom where he proceeded to try out Mummy's makeup. That would be waterproof mascara on his cheeks and lips... all the makeup was neatly back in it's bag and I likely would not have known it was used (until I saw the evidence on his face) had there not been the crash. The crash was not the makeup, but a bag of pieces for his train set. Why are they in the bathroom you ask? Great question! We give Jude a piece or two of his train set every time he poops in the potty.

Yes, we let him wear his rubber boots while he sits on the potty. They were new and he was super excited about them.

He wanted to help me make pink waffles (coloured with beet juice) a couple weeks ago. I showed him how to crack the egg. When on the first try he was not able to do it, he proceeded to squeeze the egg. When he tells the story, it goes something like this... "I squeeze the egg soooo hard [demonstrating with his hands how he squeezed] and it go on the table and on the floor and on my cheeks and on my hair... I say, 'I all eggy Mummy'.... I sad"

Although initially he did not want Mummy to take a picture of him in the dressup wig, he decided that it would be okay only if he could say "Snuggle Puppy" instead of "cheese".

Sweet Jude, I can hardly believe that you'll be 3 years old in a few short months. You're growing into such a big boy, and yet you still ask us to cuddle you for "just one more minute" and sneak in between Daddy and I in the middle of the night. You love to bug Abby with a twinkle of mischief in your eye whenever possible, but are quick to join in and play kitties with her.

Birthday sweetness

So my birthday was, umm... last month... it's been a little busy around here and I know that I've neglected our blog. To illustrate...as I sit here at 9:03 pm, Jude is yelling at the gate I've put up in the door of their room... they've been in bed for nearly 2 hours and not only is he not asleep, he's been up out of bed at least a dozen times. Yes, I could ignore him and perhaps I should. However, the last time I ignored him he woke up his brother on the other end of the house. Another time he broke through the gate not only once, but twice. The second time he went at it with such force that he hit his head on the dresser outside their bedroom door.

Most of the time he is an amazingly sweet little guy. I made the kids peanut butter and jam sandwiches for lunch on my birthday. While I was getting something from the other room, Jude came in and started singing "Happy Birftday" and presented me with a "cake" (his sandwiches piled up).

This is the beautiful cake that my sweet friends made for me and dropped off. The kids were very excited!

Movin' in

We started the addition in September 2006 when Jude was only 4 months old.

After all the framing...

...wiring, insulating, & vapor-barrier-ing...

...sealing, installing, mudding, sanding, priming & painting drywall...

...scraping, planing, cutting, installing, sanding, & varathaning the reclaimed hardwood floor...

...planing, sanding, cutting, staining, varathaning, installing trim (some of which was reclaimed)...

...we're DONE-ish... at least enough to move in to give the little Gomers some much needed space!