Jon's "tumor beard"

Since Jon hasn't been able to work for the past couple of weeks, he hasn't really needed to shave... thus,

the "tumor beard"

We're waiting to hear back from the neurosurgeon who will discuss Jon's options for surgery, hopefully this week. The tumor beard may not last until the tumor is removed, but Jon will keep it for awhile anyway :) 

Happy Birthday Josh & Jonah

Today is Josh's birthday... tomorrow is Jonah's

This year we decided as a family that we should make birthday cards and send them up in balloons so Josh and Jonah "could see them from Heaven"...

We went down to the marina and sent off our cards on brightly coloured balloons... 

When a lady smiled and asked whose birthday it was, Jordy piped up and said "it's Josh & Jonah's!"  She responded by saying, "Happy birthday, Jonah!"  My heart ached... I felt a little like I did when we were buying the pewter Noah's Ark banks for Josh and Jonah's ashes in Ottawa 9 years ago. The woman who was engraving the name plates (that we were actually planning to put over the coin hole) encouraged us to choose a font that would be easy for the boys to read when they got older... we didn't tell her how we planned to use the banks for our sons.  We also didn't explain to the lady at the park that Jonah was actually the kids' older brother who had passed away when only 30 days old and that we were sending the balloons to Heaven for him and his twin Josh who lived for only 2 days.

The marina was beautiful through the fog...

We opted for a special ice-cream treat over a birthday cake this year... I love that the kids are a bit older and can participate more in celebrating their brothers' birthdays.  Josh and Jonah will always be a part of our family and Abby, Jude and Jordan's lives.  They will always know how God blessed our family with 5 children and that Josh and Jonah going to Heaven so soon was just part of God's good and perfect plan.

Happy Birthday Josh and Jonah!  We love you! 

The kids are excited to meet you someday :)   

March

It's March... March, since our sweet twins were born 9 years ago, has been a difficult month.  I still hate St. Patrick's Day, the day that my water broke and we were thrown into the foreign land of neonatal intensive care...

the land of incubators and PICC lines, ventilators and blood gases...

the land where parents pray for miracles for their tiny children...

the land where sometimes God has a different plan and babies quietly slip away to Heaven cradled in their parents' arms before they ever feel the sun on their tiny faces.

This year, March came to signify a new journey...
the land of bitemporal hemianopsia (a partial blindness where vision is missing in the outer half of both the right and left visual field)...
the land of pituitary tumors and MRIs...
the land of neurosurgery...

While we remember and celebrate Josh  and Jonah's birthdays this weekend, we know that there is a tumor on Jon's pituitary gland, a 3.5 cm tumor that is causing extreme headaches and partial blindness.
And while we wait for an appointment with the neurosurgeon, we are thankful...

-that pituitary tumors are most often benign
-that the MRI results were expedited and our physician called Jon with the results the same day that the MRI was done
-that despite some runny noses, the rest of us are healthy and strong
-that we had a fun, beautiful March Break together... with sleepovers and playdates, playing in puddles and exploring, birthday parties and sliding in snowpants and t-shirts
-that Jon still has partial vision
-for the love, prayers, and support from friends and family
-for our Sovereign God who holds our future in His hands