I miss them...

Tonight, I'm sitting in front of our computer instead of snuggly in bed. I've been thinking of Josh and Jonah so much more than usual over the past little while. Tonight, I really miss them. More than usual. Maybe it's because I've recently shared our story with people who weren't aware that Abby is not our first child. Maybe it's seeing Jude and Jordan's relationship blossom, especially since becoming roommates this past week. Maybe it's because we converted our nursery, the room where we dreamed that Josh and Jonah would spend their first years together, into Abby's room. Maybe it's because we took down the shelf in the nursery that held some of their belongings. Maybe it's because 7 years ago tomorrow I sat around with friends looking through baby name books while eating birthday cake, trying to find two boys' names that sounded good together and were meaningful. Maybe it's because I recently heard a sermon about Heaven and being reunited with those who have gone before us. Maybe it's because I learned tonight that a friend from back home is expecting twin boys... that's when the dam of emotions broke. That's when I started sobbing... I miss them.

And yet, I have the hope of seeing them again. I'm so very thankful that God allowed me to be their mother even though it meant heartwrenching loss. I'm thankful for all that God has taught me through their births and deaths. I'm thankful for Abby, Jude & Jordan. I'm thankful for Jon and our marriage that God sustained. I'm thankful that God is good and faithful, always.

Sometimes blogging is more for me than for others. So, for those of you who took the time to read this post, thank you for "listening" :)