I haven't really had any recent pictures that I've wanted to post, nor any older ones for that matter. We're settling into our fall routine of school and Sunday school, gymnastics and Little Seedlings for the boys, dance and Sparks for Abbs. We've started using the Accountable Kids program which is seems to be going well (I'll blog more on details another time). I'm loving being at home, mostly. At least when I was doing my internship I felt I had an excuse for not having a clean floor or dusted shelves or folded laundry or homemade bread or delicious culinary creations with homegrown food. Now, I feel that I should be able to keep on top of all of it and still have ambition to finish my doctorate that has just taken way too long. I feel like I should be able to give oodles of attention to my little people while they are still little and to my amazing husband. Yet, I'm still falling behind. Then, I get frustrated at myself for falling behind...
I read something tonight that didn't just pass through my mind, but stuck. Pam Vredevelt wrote "I used to think that raising children was more or less a task of shaping and guiding a future generation. I still do. But I also think God uses children to shape parents. And the trials that come into our family circle aren't necessarily to make us 'better'. They are to 'empty us out' so that God can fill us up with more of Himself."
Things are going fine here. I wouldn't say that we're in the midst of trials, but I am feeling emptied.
Emptied from parenting children who wake up cranky insisting that because it's still dark that it can't be morning-time, children who can't find 'anything' to wear in their full closets and drawers, children who hit each other with wooden trees from their train set, a preschooler who still choses to poop in his unders than in the toilet...
Emptied by a doctorate that I no longer have any ambition to complete...
Emptied by cleaning a house that doesn't stay clean more than a few minutes & preparing meals that are often met with complaints...
"They are to 'empty us out' so that God can fill us up with more of Himself."
Lately it seems as though I've forgotten (again), that I can't do it on my own, not even the little stuff.
2 comments:
O, Lez! I'm so right there with you! Your words express my heart perfectly - and the emptying that goes with it. And you know, as much as we (sometimes?) would love it to change or go away, I think we're just where we're meant to be - empty to be filled up with what really matters (Him). Bless you, my Friend!
-Joy F. :)
oh Lezlie, I am feeling so the same way. This fall has been quite the reminder that I can't do it on my own. I am finding life to be very overwhelming, often of my own doing...and other times not so much.
You're not alone! :)
Sometimes I'm glad God gives us more than we can handle, so we have no choice but to turn to Him!
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