Today, Josh would have turned 6 years old. The past couple of days have been difficult. I truly don't have words to describe what I've been feeling. At times I struggle to get out a single thought (I felt really bad for my clinical supervisor today during supervision as I tried to maintain a coherent train of thought). Other times my eyes just fill with tears as I think of my sweet Josh and Jonah.

Each day, we get to know Abby, Jude and Jordan even better. God has given them such unique and precious personalities. Josh and Jonah too had unique and precious personalities. We just didn't have as much time to get to know them this side of Heaven. I think that's part of what I'm feeling...

I wonder if Jonah would have shunned vegetables like Abby and Jude... I wonder if Josh would have been fearless like Jordan. Would they have preferred trains or cars and trucks? Kitties or dogs?

As I get to know Abby, Jude and Jordan, my heart aches that I didn't get to know Josh and Jonah ...

What I do know is that they were both fighters. I know that they were brave. I know that they were each carried lovingly to Heaven and I know that one day I'll be able to hold them again.

Jon had to take a day trip yesterday for work and didn't get back until 11 pm. As I was doing the bedtime routine on my own, I allowed Abby and Jude to play while I put Jordan to bed. As I came out of his room, they met me dressed like this...



The picture is so Abby and Jude and captures their personalities... God knew that I needed to smile and cherish my little people yesterday. This, made my day.